I saw a pube today
Laying on the floor
It was probably mine
But I wasn’t sure

But it blew away
I tried to clean it up
A renegade
Calling for backup

For the next few days
You know I felt edgy
I knew for sure that pube
Was coming back for me

So I swept the floor
I swept under the couch
I knew that pube would
Try to get in my mouth

I’ve got a renegade pube
Somewhere in my house
I’ve got the broom, vacuum
I’ve got the big guns out

I need to hurry before
This operation goes south
And I get a pube
In my mouth

The furniture’s pulled out
From the walls
And my cat bolts past
Running down the hall

And in his wake of
Shedded fur I see
The renegade emerge
And blow up towards me

I dive to the side
And grab for the vacuum
The pube floats past
Into the bedroom

I suppress my fear
And uncover my head
And pursed lips
I follow the pube under the bed

I know it’s gonna be gross
I get my flashlight out
And a tumble pube
Flies right for my mouth

I turn the vacuum on
And turn my head to the side
I stuck out my arm
I was firing blind

It was over so fast
I don’t know how it went down
But I know that day
No pubes got in my mouth

I count my blessings
And have a victory snack
And prepare for the day
That pube is back