In a chair
Sits a miserable man
With Cheetos on his mouth
On his dick and his hand

He dozed off but
Now he’s dying of thirst
Pulls his sweatpants up
And dusts off his shirt

He gets some beer
From the refrigerator
Dehydrated mess
A chronic masturbator

Up in the cupboard
Where he keeps his stash
Radioactive orange
Salty cheddar cache

It’s like having
A gold cheesy bank
Except it’s empty now
And he needs to spank

He grabs some cash
And he runs to the store
What’s it been now
Like an hour or more

Twenty bucks
And he has five bags
He takes it back to the house
And grabs the old spunk rag

Takes a handful
And he starts munching real fast
But what happened next
Took him below half mast

He looked down
With his dick in his hand
And he started to scream
And while he did he ran

Instead of orange
His hand was gilded in red
He mistakenly got
Flamin’ Hot ones instead

His mouth was hot
And his pole even worse
And from that day on
He never ate Cheetos and masturbated at the same time because it hurt really bad